i went to dinner with my dad at my oma’s and opa’s and he told me about one of his customer’s has a daughter that went to comic con and not only met the entire cast of twilight but SHOOK robert pattinson’s hand! i mean, really, i don’t give a fuck about the whole cast of twilight but i do give more than a fuck about rpatz himself! i keep hearing all of these stories about people meeting him or meeting the cast and i am pissed!!
the past month or so has been an on going routine. wake up, go to the gym, go to school, go to work, go to dance, go to sleep. i couldn’t be happier with having the routine. i strive off of having a routine. i work better that way, i believe. i’m just glad i have something to keep my mind busy. otherwise, i think i’d sit at home and cry all day. because i know that realistically, that’s all i want to do. it is the hardest thing to get up in the morning because i just don’t really want to look at myself. it’s hard for me to find the energy to even get dressed really. but i do, find the energy. i’ll just continue to go through the motions until, i don’t know, i don’t feel this way anymore? i feel worse when i face people, even my friends. i just feel so shitty around people. i don’t know how to explain it. i can’t even say why i’m so sad. but i’m starting to feel like i felt in 2006. reclusive and constantly anxious. not a good thing. i don’t know. time to get ready for school and work.
i want a calico persian so much it’s unbearable!!! i met my friend anna’s persian named peroggi the other day and i absolutely fell in love with it :(
is going to be in San Diego July 23rd and I don’t know what to do!
I thought I knew myself, somehow you know me more
I’ve never known this, never before
You’re the first to make out whenever we are two
I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t know you
want to go there and not leave. i try and try to make myself feel better and i’m exhausted from it because it’s not working. never working. just spinning my fucking wheels.
NEVER been excited for a harry potter movie but i loved the book so much, this one looks SO good! PREMIERE TONIGHT<3
i LOVE LOVE LOVE dexter. i just started watching the first season today and i’m half way through it. after i get paid i’m definitely going to go buy the second and third seasons. during the past two weeks i have been at the gym working my ass off almost every single day. on top of that i’ve been dancing again (since i can afford it now, yes!) and i couldn’t be happier with it. my social life’s been lacking lately, but oh well. i have a hard time balancing school work and my personal goals with it and it’s not that i don’t care, but i guess it’s not as important to me. i’m going to Ocean Beach to spend the night at tyler’s now. i am soooooooo hungry. it’s been since last October that i haven’t had any beef and today i am craving it stronger than ever. frustrating!
i feel so ugly lately. i feel repulsive. i just want to take everything about myself and change it
i rarely feel like going out lately. plus, i have a very bright red attractive sunburn. i can barely put clothes on. i’m sitting here on the computer and having a hell of a time trying to fill out my FAFSA. in the past, whenever i’ve started it, i feel as if i’m totally prepared to do so but i never am. oh well, i guess it’ll have to wait another day. since i am home i’ve had time to really focus on the important things. for example, how terrible the on screen chemistry is between hugh grant and drew barrymore. i mean, seriously? music & lyrics? why?! bad worst idea for a movie. it’s almost too painful to watch yet i’m still watching it.
i feel strangely guilty whenever i leave my house because shelby’s sick. i can’t even imagine what it would be like if i ever have a kid, which i won’t, but if i did. the baby would be VERY spoiled.
